So today was Logan's first day on ADHD medication. It was kind of fascinating. First of all, he can't swallow pills, so we have to give him the kind that you can break open and these teeny tiny balls of medicine are inside. He's not supposed to chew them, so you have to mix them into applesauce. Making his breakfast this morning, I felt like one of those moms you see in Lifetime dramas. You know, the ones who put weird stuff into their child's food so he or she stays sick. Or a wicked witch from a fairy tale. He ate his doctored applesauce, trusting soul that he is, and it's supposed to take 45 minutes to work. We are making our morning rounds, dropping off his siblings. Logan's in the back of the van, talking away to himself. All of a sudden, he stops talking, and it's very quiet in the back of the van. And I start worrying. Well, to be honest, first I was impressed. He went from "blahblahblahblah" to absolutely nothing. Actually, he may have stopped talking mid-sentence. After a few minutes, THEN I started worrying. I started hearing all those "your child will turn into a zombie" comments. And just when I was feeling like a pretty crappy mom, Logan starts head-banging to the music on the radio. Thank goodness!
Maybe when I make tomorrow morning's breakfast, I should put on a pointy hat.
I've been doing that thing you aren't supposed to do. I've been googling stuff on the Internet. Every time I hear about some disorder that affects how a person thinks, I google it and become convinced that Logan has it too. ADHD? Yep, I'm sure he has it. Dyslexia? Without a doubt. Auditory Processing Disorder? Clearly. Male Pattern Baldness? Well, maybe not that one. Not yet, anyway. The problem is that so many of these disorders share the same symptoms, that it is very challenging to determine if your child is having difficulty following multi-step directions because he has dyspraxia, or ADHD, or Auditory Processing Disorder, or maybe it's just because he's six years old and Jake and the Neverland Pirates is on t.v. So what we end up doing is putting the child through all these tests, and essentially turning him into an experimental subject, all so we can figure out what is going on inside his brain, an organ that is so complex we will probably never really understand it. Meanwhile, the whole time my child really just wants to go play, I've got a load of laundry that is lying untouched and a house that still needs to be cleaned.
On the up side, he loves his new teacher this year, and he can't wait to go back to school tomorrow. And to add a bit of perspective, my thoughts this week are with a family in our community who lost their son this week. He was healthy, very talented, intelligent, kind, funny (and developmentally on track), and he died at the age of 20. At his moment, my son is happy, healthy, and safe. He's alive. I'll take the challenges of raising him over not having him anymore any day of the week.
This is my son, Logan. Isn't he beautiful?! He is six-years-old, and loves Curious George and blowing bubbles. He also has lots of things he struggles with. At the very least, he has serious developmental delays in the areas of motor and language. He may have ADHD, and almost certainly executive functioning issues. He has a little brother who wants to do everything he does, and an older sister who is alternately annoyed by him and protective of him. Sometimes she gets mad and cries, because she tries so hard to help him, but she just doesn't know how to help him.
I know how she feels. I have those moments, too. He has had all kinds of therapies since before he turned two, and still I feel like there's more I need to do for him. But I also want him to have a happy childhood, and not spend it going from specialist to specialist. In a couple weeks we are going to meet with a neuropsychologist, and that will be three hours of testing. THREE HOURS!!! How exactly is a little boy with endless energy and zero ability to focus going to last through three hours of people asking him to do stuff? And will this even be worth it? I guess we are about to find out.
I am so glad you are here! Welcome to my blog. This is your space, too. My name is Amy, and I am no stranger to the ups and downs of life. Join me as we search for beauty, authenticity, tell our truth, and hold space for each other in the messiness of life.