I lost it a little yesterday afternoon. Actually, to be honest I usually lose it a little on Saturdays. Sometimes the weekends remind me of the best ice cream cone in the world, falling on the ground about two licks in. Weekends look so delicious, and my mouth waters with the anticipation. But then, as soon as I am on the edge of really enjoying them, something goes wrong and I end up crying in frustration. The reason for the frustration and tears? I try to squeeze all my time for my passions and hobbies into the weekend, and it just never works out.
I have a lot going on. I work nearly full-time, I have an active family, I am taking classes so I can earn my master's degree, I am building a photography business, and I have this blog. I love each one of those things, but it's a lot on my plate. Finding sufficient time for each thing is really challenging. I bet you know exactly what I mean. I think we all struggle with finding time to do everything we want to do. If I put my focus on spending time with my family, then I am unhappy because I am not taking time to write, or taking and editing photos. If I sit down to do something for me, then one of my boys asks me to play, or my daughter asks me to take her somewhere. There is constantly a push and pull to do something or be somewhere else. And with that back and forth, of course, comes guilt. Guilt that I'm not doing X, Y, or Z.
My answer to the guilt is often to try and do all my "me" things during our weekend "quiet time". Our kids are old enough now that we are basically done with nap time, but we still have "quiet time" on Saturday and Sunday afternoons, where we all disperse and do quiet activities for a couple hours. I generally have a giant list of things I am hoping to accomplish during that time, and when the two hours whizzes by and I have not accomplished A SINGLE THING, I admittedly don't handle it well. There are tears, and yelling, and stomping around. And yes, this is virtually every weekend.
Let's all take a moment of silence for my poor husband.
He says thank you.
You would think that a couple weekends like this would teach me to plan better for the following weekend. But no. I do it all over again every Saturday. But slowly, weekend by weekend, the lessons are sinking in. The one I am working on absorbing right now is that instead of reacting emotionally, I can calmly ask my husband to lend a hand so I can lock myself in the bedroom and at least get done the most important things on my list. He's willing to do it. He's a great guy. But I have to not be a crazed martyr and politely state what I need.
I think the key word in that sentence is "politely". Not passive-aggressively. Not demanding. Not with tons of justifications about why I need what I need. Just simply and calmly saying "I need you to ______ so I can go _______". You know, like "I need you to fold the laundry so I can go off by myself and drink my weight in coffee. Or tequila." Or whatever your thing might be. The next lesson I need to learn? How to make better use of the other 5 days of the week. But that might have to wait until I graduate.
I am so glad you are here! Welcome to my blog. This is your space, too. My name is Amy, and I am no stranger to the ups and downs of life. Join me as we search for beauty, authenticity, tell our truth, and hold space for each other in the messiness of life.