I haven't always wanted to be a teacher. When I was really little, I wanted to be a firefighter. Then when I was in middle school I decided I wanted to be an actress. I was fairly certain that I was going to be famous some day. I was so sure of it, in fact, I remember being out in public and feeling bad for the people passing by, because they didn't know they had just been that close to a future famous person. My mom, not having quite as much faith in my ability to take Hollywood by storm, convinced me that I should have a Plan B option when I went to college, just on the off chance that acting didn't make me millions. I decided teaching would be a good fallback option. It sounded responsible enough to reassure my mother that I wasn't going to be living out of a cardboard box, and I liked the fact that it didn't sound like a boring desk job. Plus, I had always been good at school, so obviously I would be a natural teacher, right?
Somehow, by the time I got to college, the order of careers switched in my mind, and I majored in Elementary Education with a minor in Theater. And I was thoroughly excited to be a teacher. I dreamed of what my future would look like as a teacher, and I couldn't wait for it to get started. I was as confident in my ability to be a successful teacher as I had been in my ability to act. Imagine my shock when I didn't get a teaching job immediately after graduating. It was okay, I told myself. I would get some valuable experience as a substitute teacher, which I did. But three years later, I was still subbing. Nothing further was happening. I'm sure I could have stuck it out and gotten something eventually, but that would have required patience. Patience is one thing I did not have (still don't). We had a daughter who preferred having food, clothing, and a roof over her head. This required a regular paycheck, which subbing did not provide.
It took me months to accept that my dream of being a classroom teacher wasn't going to happen the way I wanted it to. I was crushed, and a little lost. Losing a dream hurts. I had to let myself be crushed for a while. And I'm ashamed to admit I played the victim for a bit. It was everybody else's fault. I was being treated badly. I had all kinds of excuses. But excuses didn't help me get out of that place of being stuck. Fortunately I eventually realized that if I wanted my situation to change, I had to do something about it. I had to find a different dream.
But how do you find that different dream? For me, I took a lot of walks. I had a lot of quiet moments. I prayed. I journaled. I remembered that what I loved was being with kids, and teaching them in some capacity. I didn't have to have a whiteboard behind me in order to teach. We moved across the state, and within a week of moving I found a job teaching in a daycare center. And I loved it. I opened my eyes just a bit, spread my wings, and landed in a brand-new dream.
I am so glad you are here! Welcome to my blog. This is your space, too. My name is Amy, and I am no stranger to the ups and downs of life. Join me as we search for beauty, authenticity, tell our truth, and hold space for each other in the messiness of life.